Infertility and Pregnancy Loss

An interview with Tracy Gilmour-Nimoy, LMFT, PMH-C, on understanding infertility as well as pregnancy and infant loss. Curt and Katie interview Tracy, a certified perinatal mental health professional, on what the medical and mental health professions often miss related to reproductive health and pregnancy. We dig into the basics and common mistakes as well as the harm caused when therapists are uninformed. We explore trauma, grief, and the invisibility of these common struggles faced by some who want to have children.

It’s time to reimagine therapy and what it means to be a therapist. To support you as a whole person and a therapist, your hosts, Curt Widhalm and Katie Vernoy talk about how to approach the role of therapist in the modern age.

Interview with Tracy Gilmour-Nimoy, LMFT and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional

Tracy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional. She has a group practice in San Diego, CA, where she specializes in working with individuals who have experiences of trauma, depression, anxiety, reproductive mental health, perinatal mental health, maternal mental health, paternal mental health, grief, loss, life transitions, and relational challenges, to name a few. In addition to her love of mental health, Tracy is an avid reader and writer. Her articles have appeared on her mental health blog and other public forums, such as Scary Mommy. She writes about varying mental health topics, as well as her personal experiences of infant loss, grief, and trauma. To learn more about Tracy, connect with her on Instagram @TGNtherapy

In this episode we talk about:

What we missed in our episode about navigating pregnancy
How hidden infertility and pregnancy loss is in society, how the conversation is taboo
The lack of trauma-informed care within the medical field
The problems of assumptions around fertility and whether people want children
The way that common questions can be triggering and traumatizing
How dismissive of the grief people are when it deals with infant and pregnancy loss
The rose-tinted lenses that hurt women during the whole process of getting pregnant and having a baby
How hidden it is and how little discussed are all the stages of women’s development
The gaps in therapist training related to infertility and pregnancy/infant loss
The focus on the baby versus the parent
Ideas for advocacy within the educational and medical systems
The discomfort with sitting with these types of experiences and losses
The tendency of people wanting to fix it and move forward without accounting for loss and recognizing when it cannot be fixed
The shadow losses and losses of an absence
Holding space for grief and loss, for how horrible it is
What therapists need to know about infertility
The importance of understanding the medical terminology, the financial burden, the emotional implications of the fertility process
The internal focus on how the body works and what to do for your body
The identity aspects related to motherhood or not becoming a mother
What therapists need to know about pregnancy and infancy loss
The perception of the death of their child
Traditions to honor the child who didn’t come home
The importance of remembering dates for individuals who have infant and pregnancy loss
Acknowledging loss, using language or names that are relevant
Honoring how they view their parental status after a loss
The importance of acknowledging the grief and the ability to manage your loss in our own way (i.e., not responding to people or not going to baby showers)
The trauma of pregnancy loss and how that may show up in future pregnancies
How women are dismissed by medical providers when they have a bad feeling during pregnancy and it often turns into a reality
Ideas to support the non-pregnant partner and the differences in the grief process
A brief discussion on how the pandemic has impacted the reproductive health process

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Resources mentioned:

We’ve pulled together resources mentioned in this episode and put together some handy-dandy links. Please note that some of the links below may be affiliate links, so if you purchase after clicking below, we may get a little bit of cash in our pockets. We thank you in advance!

TGNtherapy.com

Blog post from Tracy: I want my baby

Certified Perinatal Mental Health Professional through Postpartum Support International

Relevant Reading:

Good Moms Have Scary Thoughts–Karen Kleinman

Dropping the Baby and Other Scary Thoughts–Karen Kleinman

I Had a Miscarriage–Jessica Zucker

Infertility Counseling–Sharon Covington

Frozen Dreams–Allison Rosen, Jay Rosen

Coping With Infertility, Miscarriage, and Neonatal Loss–Amy Wenzel

The Trying Game–Amy Klein

Relevant Episodes:

Navigating Pregnancy as a Therapist

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Who we are:

Curt Widhalm is in private practice in the Los Angeles area. He is the cofounder of the Therapy Reimagined conference, an Adjunct Professor at Pepperdine University and CSUN, a former Subject Matter Expert for the California Board of Behavioral Sciences, former CFO of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists, and a loving husband and father. He is 1/2 great person, 1/2 provocateur, and 1/2 geek, in that order. He dabbles in the dark art of making “dad jokes” and usually has a half-empty cup of coffee somewhere nearby. Learn more at: http://www.curtwidhalm.com

Katie Vernoy is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist, coach, and consultant supporting leaders, visionaries, executives, and helping professionals to create sustainable careers. Katie, with Curt, has developed workshops and a conference, Therapy Reimagined, to support therapists navigating through the modern challenges of this profession. Katie is also Past President of the California Association of Marriage and Family Therapists. In her spare time, Katie is secretly siphoning off Curt’s youthful energy, so that she can take over the world. Learn more at: http://www.katievernoy.com

A Quick Note:

Our opinions are our own. We are only speaking for ourselves – except when we speak for each other, or over each other. We’re working on it.

Our guests are also only speaking for themselves and have their own opinions. We aren’t trying to take their voice, and no one speaks for us either. Mostly because they don’t want to, but hey.